February 4, 2017

Fun Fact #6 – GRIEVING

I always felt as though writing can be a fantastic form of healing, It’s a way to express emotion, linger in memories and relive a story over and over again, which for some can be a wonderful coping mechanism. I know it’s been the only way I’ve ever been able to understand myself and evaluate situations. Writing gives me the ability to look back into the past and give life meaning, without being able to express myself through words, I’d likely go crazy lost in my own thoughts, Especially when it comes to my niece. It’s been about 2 years since I last saw kelleigh, but honestly, it still feels like yesterday. I can still hear her voice in the back of my mind, I can still see her smile and hear her call me “momma.” I’ll always love Kelleigh, in fact, it was the love that I had for her, that pushed me to make one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make. It took a long time before I was able to see that the best thing I could have done for her, was give her a better life, a fresh start with people who knew how to help her. Everyone told me that I tried my best and did everything I could, but my best wasn’t good enough. I feel like if you love someone, you won’t hold them back from the life they deserve out of your own selfishness. You’ll let them go because, in the end, that’s what’s right for them and that’s what we did for her, we let her go.

Even knowing all of this, It took a while before I could patch that hole in my heart and it took a while before the sporadic fits of tears that seized my entire body stopped. I was broken and found that writing helped ease the pain. When grieving a loss, any kind of loss… it’s difficult to understand what’s happening internally and it can be confusing because you’re not sure what to do or how to go about things anymore, I know I didn’t. Then one day I came across a post that perfectly describes the different stages of grief. Thank goodness for the internet, I swear! This post helped me understand things from a different perspective, it was marvelous and I really encourage you to read the post HERE:

It’s one hell of a journey being able to dig into someone else’s mind, There’s a certain kind of beauty in seeing someone when they are vulnerable, which is why I believe that writing is a beautiful tool and I believe more people should exercise their minds with it. So, with that being said, if you’re ready to go on an emotional journey with me check out the rest of my blog. You’ll find my thoughts vary from day to day, One day I could write an entire post describing the sound that gum makes when it sticks to your shoe, or you’ll find me rambling about how much I hate Brussel sprouts. Hell, I might even dive into painful memories and fill a page with some cheesy ass love story. Either way, These thoughts are what makes me who I am, these memories are what’s made me stronger. My past is proof that you can survive even the deepest cuts. Even though I’m stronger now, every now and then I find myself swimming through a hundred foot wave but I guess that’s just a part of life and that’s what will keep the posts coming! That 100ft wave metaphor makes more sense when you read THIS POST, seriously. Read it.

And for anyone grieving a loss, the best advice I can give you is time. TIME heals all wounds or at least teaches us how to live with the pain, as cliche as that sounds I promise it’s true.