Fun Fact #2 – LONLINESS

2. In foster care, you spend A Lot of time alone.

Well Hello, there old friend, Your back. Why? I thought I rid myself of you long ago. I thought when we partied ways things were going to be different, I had hope for a future that I wasn’t sure existed but I fought hard to create.

I had this picture in my head of what life was supposed to be like and I dreamed of something so beautiful I needed to see it for myself. I wanted it to exist so badly that with enough motivation and hard work, I made it to that little place without you dragging me down.

Damn your such an asshole.

And now, As I sit here typing in the midst of this future I created for myself I realize how quickly this future is falling apart. Something always brings me back to you and I can’t seem to escape it. We knew each other well at one point, You were always by my side and though I despised you, there was some solace in knowing that at least you wouldn’t leave because there was nothing beyond the emptiness you brought with you.

Your presence sucks.

Yet here you are again filling my soul with your wickedness. Loneliness, you’re a malicious son of a bitch. Why have you returned?

I’ve been flooded with memories and things I haven’t thought about in years. Its like gates to hell have been kicked open and thus pours in the demons of my past haunting, taunting and torturing me every day now! I don’t recall ever hurting this much.These memories haunt me, these people, this past.

People call me strong, They tell me how amazing I am for being so brave through all of this.

  • She still goes to work
  • She still takes care of her daughter
  • Shes is still pushing forward

Some days I don’t feel like I’m moving much at all, some days I’m stagnant and falling backward slowly drowning in these memories. Sometimes my old pal “loneliness” decides to keep me company

© 2018 All Rights Reserved America DeFleur

9 thoughts on “Fun Fact #2 – LONLINESS

    1. Hello there! I could censor some of the language, but that doesn’t mean that I should. I feel like my blogs are written to reflect the real emotional experience at the time it’s being written. It’s my voice and something I’m proud of. Yes, the language is vulgar sometimes, but that’s who I am and I’m proud of it. Life is not censored and neither am I. Thank you for your input though I really appreciate it!

      Liked by 1 person

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